I started having panic attacks when I was 9 years old. I had no idea what was happening to me and I was convinced that I was dying. I felt isolated and scared because nobody could tell me what was happening. Every time it happened, I was left shaking and crying for hours afterwards and on a few occasions, I ended up passed out in the emergency room. The whole experience showed me that mental health is just as important as physical health.
It all began with what I now believe to be Chronic HVS (Hyperventilation Syndrome), something that I still suffer with sometimes, even years later. I constantly felt short of breath, but then every 4 or 5 breaths I was able to breathe deeply. After a few nights of this(I was only feeling short of breath at night or when I thought about my breathing during the day), I got up and told my parents what was happening. They called an ambulance and I was examined. There was nothing wrong with me, they said.
My symptoms persisted and worsened and a few nights later, we drove down the road to the hospital. We parked the car and I got out and began walking towards the doors. All of a sudden, the world seemed to go underwater and telescope away from me and my legs gave out. It was one of the most terrifying sensations that I have ever experienced. All I could do was scream as my mum dragged me in through the sliding doors. The lady at the reception pointed us through another set of doors where there was a nurse waiting. At this point, I couldn't breathe and my hands and feet were tingling so much that I could barely feel anything. When the nurse told me to breathe because I was hyperventilating, I insisted that I was dying as I gasped for breath. I spent the next 12 hours in a hospital room trying to recover my breath.
The following 2 weeks were spent going in and out of emergency rooms and doctors offices. The panic attacks were happening at least twice a day and they were getting worse and worse. Things would escalate at the slightest of touches and I was triggered by the strangest things, including American idol and a certain ice-cream flavour. Every nurse in the emergency room was subjected to my many questions; Do I have cancer? Do I have meningococcal? Do I have a brain tumour? Of course, the answer to all of these questions was no.
I saw many psychologists, and none of them were able to tell me exactly what was wrong and why. It was one of the most difficult times in my life and I hope that anxiety can become a more common topic, so that no anxiety sufferer is ever made to feel isolated or helpless.
Anxiety is something that can affect anyone at any time. No anxiety sufferer is alone in how they feel.
As usual, any feedback is greatly appreciated.
That's all from me
Dancer Free xx
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